Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria
by HHbayntonette
Summary: Eliza Basil embarks on a new life in Skinnymandria-A country renowned for its existence of history in daily lives. A modern girl living in a modern society meets the inexplicably realistic, genuine, traditional historical society with roman chariots and horse pulled carriages. How would her life be? How would she fit in?
1. Prologue

**Horrible Histories-Skinnymandria:**

**Prologue**

"And now here I am, sitting in a helicopter with some people dressed in weird costumes." Eliza thought to herself as she eyed several ladies and gents dressed in baggy pants, large coats and wigs, and overly long gowns.

Flashing-back to a few days ago, the teacher announced to the class that a student would be chosen to go to a historic country, to live there for 5 months. Everyone looked so excited about it, some were even praying that they would be chosen.

"And the chosen one is…Eliza Basil!" The teacher said as she drew a slip of paper from the plastic bag she was holding.

The whole class gasped and stared at Eliza.

Eliza has always despised history classes. "Learning about dead people isn't that interesting," as she would say.

"Why do I have to go there, to what? Learn history?" Eliza said.

"No, Eliza, you go there to experience history. This, is no ordinary country, this is Skinny-Mandria, A country renowned for its existence of history in daily lives." The teacher explained.

"Pfft, talk about weird names…Skinny-Mandria, it must be boring." Eliza sneered.

"Well, you'll see about it. I guarantee you would change your thoughts after the trip. You'll depart next Monday, and then we'll see you five months later!" The teacher said.

The school bell rang.

"Oh, there goes the bell! Have a nice weekend, guys!" the teacher announced.

"I envy you, Eliza. I wanted to go there again." Eliza's best friend, Sasha, approached her while she was walking out of the classroom.

"Come on, Sasha, it's a boring town with a dumb name, how interesting can it be?" Eliza said.

"Take it from me, I went there once, and it's an awesome place to stay. Seriously, you are one of the few in this school who get to go, you lucky girl."

"Yeah…"

"Promise me you'll give it a chance, you won't regret it. Gotta go, my mom's picking me up. See you in five months. I'll miss you." Sasha said as she gave Eliza a hug before she went out the locker bay.

"Yeah, See ya…" Eliza waved back to Sasha. "Wow, she's really selling it hard."

She slowly awoke from her flashback.

"Alright people, your destination's arrived. Grab a parachute before you jump down, we don't want dead bodies lying around waiting for Burke and Hare to retrieve, do we?" said the helicopter pilot.

"What, jump from here? I thought you were going to land?" Eliza was shocked to hear that.

"Certainly not, lassie, come on, we're almost out of the area. Oh, and bring your luggage as well." The pilot, dressed in a Tudor executioner's robe said in a strong cockney accent.

Eliza grabbed her belongings and stared timidly outside the helicopter. She couldn't muster the courage to jump outside.

"Don't dilly-dally lass, I've got a few heads to chop in the afternoon, be a dear and get off!"

Eliza leapt out of the helicopter, shutting her eyes tightly as she plummeted downwards to the ground. She had never jumped out of a helicopter; she had totally no experience in parachuting.

"Pull the cord to release the parachute, PULL THE CORD!" A girl dressed in an air force uniform shouted to Eliza.

Eliza opened her eyes and pulled the cord dangling from the parachute bag. A parachute burst out of the bag, as Eliza gets pulled downwards by gravity. Then she realized something.

She was not floating or gliding.

Looking up to find a huge hole in her parachute, she shrieked.

"THERE'S A HOLE IN MY PARACHUTE! I'M GONNA DIE!"

Eliza shrieked and panicked.

"I don't want to die young! I'm too young to die!" Eliza screamed.

She felt a hand holding hers.

The girl in the air force uniform was next to her.

"I've got you, hang on, you're coming with me." The girl reassured Eliza.

As Eliza and the girl's feet touched the ground, Eliza collapsed in anxiousness.

"Hey, are you alright?" The girl asked her, while untying her hair, revealing her long brown locks.

She was a girl about 158cm tall, had a fair complexion and a scrawny but curved bodyline.

"Yeah, I'm alright, I'm just glad that I'm still alive. Thank you for rescuing me." Eliza thanked her.

"No problem, after all I AM responsible for your life, Eliza Margaret Basil." The girl said.

"How'd you know my name? I don't believe we're introduced to each other yet." Eliza was surprised.

"The name's Bethany Josephine Alexandra Winchester of Warwick, you can call me Bethany for short. You're staying at my place for the coming 5 months." The girl introduced herself.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Bethany." Bethany helped Eliza up.

"Shall we go? I believe the hansom cab is waiting." Bethany helped Eliza with some of her baggage and headed towards the horse pulled carriage nearby.

"Wow, a bizarre airplane landing and a bizarre airport cab services, things couldn't get any weirder, can they?" Eliza said as she dusted off herself of the meadow she landed on, picked up her baggage and caught up with Bethany.


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome to Skinnymandria

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 1- Welcome to Skinnymandria**

"What's up with helicopters and horses as transport systems? Don't you have cars or other vehicles?" Eliza asked Bethany as they sat in the carriage, the horse trotting away on the dirt asphalt.

"Settle down dear, my, that's a lot of questions for a new comer. This is Skinnymandria, where helicopters are public transport. Get used to it, you'll see lots of helicopters whizzing around the skies every day. Come to think of it, It's Bob Hale who commissioned the rule for helicopters to be public transport, that guy totally loves helicopters, and hedgehogs, and Sam." Bethany blurted out.

"Pardon, but Bethany, I don't quite get what are you saying." Eliza was puzzled upon her arrival and her guide is already blurting mumbo jumbo to her.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. You see, one of the royals love helicopters, and we worship our royals like gods, like deities. Ancient fashion is a big thing here, we wear them every day, so don't be shy to put on a large and unexceptionally heavy gown. I'll introduce you to other rules and traditions as we go along. In the meantime, why not tell me more about yourself?" Bethany continued.

"Well, I love computer games; I'm a techno-geek. I live in a suburban area, attend a local school in Essex, and have a family consisted of parents, my younger sister and a spaniel named Charles. I work part time in a bookshop near my school in the weekends, and I had good grades in class, except in history. There, all done." Eliza introduced herself. "This is easy," she thought.

"Impressive, you've got a spaniel named Charles and you lived in Essex, reminds me of Charles II and Dick Turpin. Although I don't quite understand what you mean by "techno-geek" or part-time" or "Suburban area", these words are not familiar to one's vocabulary, I must say." Bethany stated.

"Right, problem word, it might be hard to explain it so I'll just not explain it. Anyway, does Dick Turpin by any chance own Black Bess?" Eliza tried displaying her limited knowledge on history, as she despised and loathed the subject so much. "This could be hard," She thought about problem words not suiting the society she is currently in.

"No, that's just a silly little story, Dick Turpin does not own Black Bess, and he's just a strikingly attractive highway man who commits crime around the area. Speaking of which, here come him now." The highway man came to their coach window, pointed a gun towards the ladies.

"Stand and deliver!" The strikingly handsome highwayman said.

Eliza and Bethany lifted both their hands in the air to surrender. Bethany handed Dick Turpin a cloth purse.

"Thank you very much, ladies. Now you may pass. This is quite heavy…" The carriage swiftly trotted off while Dick Turpin tossed the purse up and down.

"Bethany! Why do you just give him the purse like that?! It is money, right?!" Eliza exclaimed.

"Chill Eliza, just worthless money in that purse, that money won't do me any good. Boy would he get a big surprise if he finds out what I gave him. Haha." Bethany chuckled heartily.

Dick Turpin opens up the purse, and found lots of tiny broken shards of seashells in the bag.

"Great. Worthless money again." Dick Turpin sighed.

"Broken seashells? Nice one, Bethany. You can ward off highwaymen then." Eliza said.

"Yes, effective isn't it? I've got back up as well." Bethany took out a tiny revolver from her pocket.

"Whoa, there, be careful with that." Eliza was shocked at the sight of a revolver.

"Don't worry, I only use it when I need it, which I never used it before." Bethany said.

"That's reassuring." Eliza sighed.

"I wouldn't simply kill someone, tough laws on murder are applied here, you know?" Bethany stated.

"Such as hanging, death, execution and death." Eliza muttered.

"My point exactly. Especially Tudor laws, you wouldn't want to mess with them. It's all executions, I tell you." Bethany agreed.

"What's that park? It's got lots of statues in it." Eliza pointed to a park outside the window as they travelled pass it.

"The statue park, it's got all our historical people in statue. I'll bring you there someday. Come now, grab your luggage, we've arrived at my house." Bethany hopped down the carriage followed by Eliza.

"Welcome to my house. And yours as well." Bethany opened the front door and let Eliza go through the door.

The house is a slightly large cottage. The whole house gave out a welcoming aura.

"Wow, nice decorations." Eliza looked around in awe.

"Nice isn't it? There's a garden in the back. Oh, there you are, mother. Mother, this is Eliza Margaret Basil; Eliza, my mother Jean Alexandria Winchester." Bethany introduced Eliza to her mother who was dusting a portrait in the hallway.

"Pleased to meet you, Eliza dear. Make yourself at home, alright?" Mrs Winchester said.

"Thank you very much. A pleasure to meet you too." Eliza answered respectfully.

Mrs Winchester gave Eliza a little smile and continued to dust the portrait.

"This is your room, and my room. What do you think? Bethany showed Eliza her bedroom.

"This is beautiful," Eliza loomed at the2 brown coloured 4 post beds, complete with curtains hanging from the pillars.

"I've always wanted to live in a room like this. Wooden window shutters, 4 post beds. I feel like a princess!" Eliza exclaimed.

"Well, I'm delighted you like it. This is a good start in'it?" Bethany.

"I think so." Eliza continued looking around the room, admiring its beauty.

"Oh, Eliza?" Bethany said.

"Yes?" answered Eliza.

**"****Welcome to Skinnymandria."**


	3. Chapter 2: Work Terrible Work(pt 1)

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 2- Work Terrible Work (Part 1)**

"Eliza, I shall then see you in the evening for supper," Bethany leapt off Eliza's stallion as they arrived in front of the historical hospital.

"Well then I best be heading off, let's go Dobbin!" The horse trotted away in the distance.

The horse stopped at Incan Hole, a place which seems like a bare land with lots of massive pits in the ground, with a few huts located in the fenced area.

She heard some giggles coming from a pit in the ground.

"That's odd, holes don't giggle?" Eliza curiously approached the pit and found 8 children chasing each other, running around in the bottom of the pit, with a middle aged Incan woman looking at them running around.

"Do any of you chaps require any assistance getting out of the pit?" Eliza asked the woman.

"My dear, certainly not, 'op in 'op in." The woman greeted.

"Wha- you're not stuck?" Eliza asked as she landed in the hole.

"No, silly girl, this is 'ow we look after them children. The pit prevents them from going anywhere further out the pit, so it's easier to take care of 'em." The woman explained.

"You are Eliza, aren't you? I'm your mentor in the job experience, call me Ptolemy." The woman introduced herself.

"Ptolemy, isn't that an Egyptian name? Doesn't sound feminine," Eliza commented.

"I come from an Incan and Egyptian family, mixed cultures they called it. There is probably a little to do with the chariot accident they had when they were younger, got 'it by a chariot driven by Emperor Nero, got treated by the wacky Georgian doctor Montague Fuzzlepeck, gone a bit bonkers with names since then. I got named Ptolemy, my younger sister's named baboon, poor child. My word, I've gone way off topic. Come; let me introduce you to the kids." Ptolemy suggested.

"Attention!" Ptolemy shouted in an army-officer-like stance, and the children immediately stood in a straight line.

"Wow, well trained." Eliza was thrilled at the children's speedy performance.

"It's all for Skinnymandria's future, so we can have disciplined future citizens. If they don't obey, we throw them off mountains for the wild beasts." Ptolemy stated.

"Sparta huh?" Eliza added.

"Smart girl. Now, these are: Susan, Victoria, Matilda, Stephen, Mary, Benjamin, Thompson, and Perkins." Ptolemy introduced the children to Eliza.

"Hi, nice to meet you guys." Eliza greeted.

"Pleasure to be of service, ma'am!" The children saluted.

"Dismiss." Ptolemy declared.

The children scurried around once more, resuming their activities.

Ptolemy sighed, "Kids, they are always so adorable." She added.

She sat down on her stool and continued to watch them.

Eliza stood by her side, looking at the kids play as well.

"What are you supposed to do here, do you look at the kids play all day?" Eliza asked.

"Yes, that's basically our job. Why do you ask?" Ptolemy answered to the only speech for 3 hours of observing and silence.

Some children were playing catch, some were playing rock scissors and paper, some were building sandcastles and sand sculptures, and some were drawing pictures in the sand.

"Well, in my place, we encourage children to read and write, and we don't spend this much time playing."


	4. Chapter 2: Work Terrible Work(pt 2)

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 2: Work terrible Work (part 2)**

"Is it? That's divine, everyone would be scholars then. Oh, and one more thing, if you are watching over children in an Incan hole, be sure to check for rain. The hole will turn into a paddling pool if the hole is flooded, and you know what happens to children and people who can't swim, ha-hah." Ptolemy chuckled.

Dark clouds started to cover the sky, the air seemed less warm, and a thunderstorm was starting to brew as the sky rumbled in a low voice.

"Who turned out the lights?" Ptolemy exclaimed in surprise.

"Err, I think a thunderstorm is on its way." Eliza pointed to sky where dark clouds began to cluster, the sound of thunder getting louder.

"Oh dear, lightning god Thunor is on his way! Children, out of the hole! To the bomb shelter!" Ptolemy declared.

The children scurried out of the hole as fast as their little legs could carry them, and ran towards a little grey house in between the cluster of huts.

"Why a bomb shelter?" Eliza asked, while running along Ptolemy behind the children.

"For some odd reason, the children liked the bomb shelter. They said it reminded them of so many things. Don't ask me what it is." Ptolemy said as they reached the door of the bomb shelter.

"Alright, everybody in. Susan, Victoria, Matilda, Stephen, Mary, Benjamin, Thompson, Perkins, Eliza and me." Ptolemy announced as she shut the door, just as the rain began to pour heavily outside.

"Ma'am, can we turn the lights on?" Perkins suggested.

"Of course you may, Perkins." Ptolemy said in a kind voice.

"Perkins, don't turn on the lights, it's fun sitting in the dark." Victoria said.

"Yeah." The other children agreed.

"But I'm afraid of the dark." Perkins said as he turned on the lights.

"Aww…" The other children said in disappointment as the light fickle and brightened the room.

"Scaredy cat." Benjamin teased.

"Now, now, Benjamin. Everyone is afraid of something, don't tell me you are fearless." Ptolemy confronted.

"Yes, I am," Benjamin argued.

"Really? Because Mr Thompson the executioner is going to look after you tomorrow, I hope you're not scared of him."

"Erm…" Benjamin gulped, his expressions flushed into a tone of pale white.

"Apologise to Perkins." Ptolemy ordered.

"Sorry, Perkins." said Benjamin.

Perkins smiled, like a boy who got a whole block of chocolate during the war rationing period.

"Now, how about a story?" Ptolemy suggested, as she pulled a book from below her seat.

The title of the book read 'Fairy tale stories'.

"Me! Me!" The children excitedly agreed.

"The Cinderella story!" Susan suggested.

"Let's start with the pied piper of Hamlyn, alright? Eliza, why don't you read it to us?" Ptolemy handed Eliza the book.

"Sweet as a nut mate!" Thompson said excitedly.

"I loved that story!" Perkins declared.

"Alright. Er-hem!" Eliza cleared her throat as the children listened attentively, looking at her with their eyes wide open.

"The town was riddled with mice, the mice were everywhere, and the town was infested with rats."

"Then a stranger came by and said: 'I'm the pied piper of Hamlyn, I will rid you of these mice, but I should warn you, it would be a very high price.'"

"Unfortunately, this was the middle ages, where the rats were carrying the palgue. The pied piper did not lure the mice out of the town, instead he caught the plague and died. The end." Eliza finished, with a doubtful tone.

"Wait, I thought he lured the rats out of town and lured the children out of town as well because the town did not keep their promise to pay him." Eliza stated.

"No, the story was set in a different historical setting, perhaps the version you've read might be a different one." explained Ptolemy.

"I'll continue with another one then. How about 'the three little pigs'?" Eliza suggested to the children.

"Yeah!" the children agreed simultaneously.

"Here goes. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. They each had a house. One little pig had a house made out of bricks; One little pig had a house made out of sticks; One little pig had a house made out of straw."

"Ooh, here comes the climax!" Benjamin exclaimed.

"One day, a hungry wolf walked by the straw house. He huffed and puffed and he blew the house down. The little pig in the straw house ran quickly to his brother who lived in the house made out of sticks."

"Unfortunately, the hungry wolf also blew down the stick house as the two frightened little pigs hid in the house made out of sticks. So, once again, they escaped to the brick house where another little pig lived."

"The two frightened little pigs cried and shouted for help outside the brick house. Unfortunately the little pig in the brick house did not see his two brothers outside the window. His windows were bricked up to avoid the Georgian window tax. So, the two little pigs outside the brick house was eaten by the hungry wolf. The end." Eliza finished.

"Well, that's to be expected." said Eliza with a flat tone.

"Good story?" asked Ptolemy.

"Yes, tragic ending, but somewhat reflects traditional laws, I suppose?" Eliza shrugged.

She flipped the pages to see what stories are in the book.

"Ooh, read 'The Ugly Duckling', please." Susan and Victoria pleaded.

"Not 'The Ugly Duckling'! We hear it all the time!" Benjamin complained.

"A vote," Ptolemy declared. "for those who support!"

Susan, Victoria, Matilda, Perkins and Stephens raised their hands.

"What do we have here, 5 against 3. We have our winner!"

"But ma'am!" Thomas objected.

"Democracy, Thomas. That's how it works." Ptolemy stated solemnly.

"Shall we proceed?" said an unfamiliar voice.

They looked towards the voice, which came from the entry of the bomb shelter.

A girl Eliza's age, in a Georgian day dress, stood by the door frame.

The weather outside was pleasant.

Clear, blue skies accompanied the sound of birds chirping; the smell of wet soil and fresh air seeped into the room through the open door.

"Good day, Madam Ptolemy. I couldn't help but overhear the conversations in this bomb shelter. It certainly is the most interesting story session indeed." The girl walked in and sat on a vacant seat beside Eliza.

"Ah, good day, Georgianna. I see the storm has stopped." Ptolemy greeted the girl in high spirits.

"Yes, I haven't seen such divine weather since last Thunor's day (Tuesday)." The girl said cheerfully.

"Greetings! I'm Georgianna Prudence Hardwicke. I hereby extend my welcome to you from us Skinnymandrians." The girl said while she stood up and curtseyed.

"Eliza Margaret Basil. Nice to meet you." Eliza stood up and attempted to curtsey, in order to return the greeting.

"Georgianna, why don't you join us? You could read to the children this time." Ptolemy invited.

"Of course, I do love working alongside you, Madam Ptolemy." Georgianna said, as she sat down and set the book on her lap.

"Do tell the story," the children pleaded impatiently.

"Alright, 'The ugly duckling'. There was a ugly little duckling. The grey little duckling lived among its yellow feathered siblings…"

The children focused their gaze onto Georgianna, who read the story aloud word by word, not shifting their attention to anything.

"What a beautiful swan you are, said the king. The swan honked in delight. You will look even beautiful to eat, the king continued. So the king ate the swan, who was once the ugly duckling. Now the ugly duckling wished that she won't grow up to become to be the beautiful swan. The end." Georgianna concluded the story and gently closed the book shut.

It was tea time, all the personnel and children gathered in the dining area, which is a hut with benches and tables squeezed into an approximately 700 meter square room.

"Friends with Bethany Josephine Alexandra Warwick of Winchester, I presume?" Eliza asked, while tearing her bread into small pieces and dipping it into her warm cocoa.

"Yes, how do you know Bethany?" Georgianna exclaimed in surprise.

"She told me about you, on the way to the Historical Hospital today."

Eliza thought about that morning, when Bethany was helping her get on the horse.

The horse, Dobbin, was temporarily in Eliza's possession during her stay in Skinnymandria.

"You are working at the Incan Hole, am I right?" Bethany asked.

"Yes," Eliza answered, as she tried to climb up to the back of the horse.

"Then you'll probably see one of my close friends there. She is just like you, not local, but emigrated here from Massa- Maessa- Massachusetts, ah yes, Massachusetts 5, 6 years ago." Bethany sat herself on the horse's back.

"From United States of America?" Eliza asked.

"Yes, she's a lovely girl, you'll love her! Her name is Georgianna Prudence Hardwicke, though her friends call her Georgianna or Georgie. " Bethany patted her horse lovingly on its head and pulled the reins gently.

The horse started trotting slowly, it then began to pick up speed as they travelled along the forest and woodland paths, the town streets and passed by several shops.

They stopped at several junctions, where a traffic guidance person was standing in the middle of the intersection, blowing their whistles as they halted horses, chariots, coaches, carriages and several cars, then guiding them to their path in an orderly fashion.

After Bethany stopped in front of the Historical Hospital.

"Eliza, are you sure you don't need me to drop you off at Incan Hole? I'm not in a hurry." Bethany asked.

"Don't worry, I know how to ride a horse. I used to ride my grandparent's horse during my visits to their ranch in the countryside, remember? Besides, didn't your mother stress the importance of being an early bird?" Eliza reassured Bethany.

"Alright then, take care. Oh, and if you met her, say hi to Georgianna for me. Eliza, I shall then see you in the evening for supper," Bethany said, as she turned to walk into the hospital whereas Eliza galloped away on Dobbin.

Eliza returned from her flashback.

"That's right, I remember her telling me about her having an international exchange student staying in her place for 5 months, that's you. The Eliza Basil." Georgianna recalled.

"Well, she said I'll be meeting a friend of hers who works at the Incan Hole. And I think she meant you, Georgianna." Eliza said, after finishing off the last piece of bread and the remaining cocoa in her mug.

"Nice cocoa, could do with a little more sugar." Eliza muttered to herself.

"Excuse me, I'll go get a refill. I'll be back." Eliza grabbed her mug and headed towards the beverage table.

Georgianna watched as Eliza headed off from the table.

"Nice girl, seems quiet." Georgianna thought to herself as she sipped on her Maize and Bean soup.

Minutes later, Eliza returned with two mugs; one with cocoa, one with coffee.

"Here you go, just thought you might like some beverages." Eliza offered Georgianna the cup of cocoa, while she held on to the mug of coffee.

"Thanks Eliza, my throat is feeling a bit dry." Georgianna lifted the mug to her lips and took small sips of it.

"Hmm, this coffee smells weird." Eliza muttered and took a sip.

"Taste weird too." Eliza commented.

Then she noticed Georgianna drank her cocoa with a creased brow, similar to a frown.

"Want to swap drinks?" Eliza suggested.

"No, It's alright." Gerogianna said with a weak smile.

"No really, you do not seem to like cocoa," Eliza explained.

"Well, if my presumptions are right, you seem to have a hard time with that mug of coffee as well." Georgianna added.

"So, is it a deal?" Eliza asked timidly.

"Deal!" Georgianna swiftly swapped their mugs.

"That's good, I'm not a big fan of coffee myself, though my mother tries to get me to drink some." Eliza stated, feeling relieved.

"I like coffee more than cocoa, thanks for bringing over a cup of coffee, although you could've given me that in the first place." Georgianna added with a smile.

"On the contrary, my dear Georgianna, I did not get to know you that well yet." Eliza returned with a smirk.

"You've got a point." Georgianna agreed.

"So, you've moved here from Massachusetts," Eliza stated.

"Well, long story short, yes. It was a great place, but I've found somewhere better, and here I am. Went on a school exchange program, loved the craziness here, ended up living here." Georgianna concluded.

"I am currently on a school exchange program as well! Wow, Bethany is right, we do have similarities!" Eliza said excitedly.

"Are you a Bayntonette, an admirer of one of the royals Mathew Baynton?" Georgianna asked.

"Not yet, but I trust you will influence me to be one of the Bayntonettes,"

"I'll try my best, Eliza my friend." Georgianna added.

After a few hours, the day's work is over.

Eliza offered to send Georgianna home, which Georgianna gladly accepted.

They had a friendly chat on the way home, and they've becomes good friends in less than a day.

During the ride home, Georgianna kept on emphasizing the reasons she's a Bayntonette, and Eliza, having being a fan girl of Leonardo DiCaprio understands the feelings of Georgianna being a fan girl.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Georgianna said as Eliza dropped her off at her home, which is located a few streets away from Bethany's cottage.

"What do you mean, tomorrow?" Eliza asked, puzzled.

"You'll see. I bid thee farewell, _mon fre_." Georgianna said before opening the wooden gates to enter her home compound.

Eliza rode off, wondering what she meant about 'tomorrow'.

At Bethany's cottage, Bethany's room.

"You're right, Bethany. Georgianna really is a lovely girl." Eliza said while combing her long locks, preparing herself for bed after a lovely dinner and a bath.

"See, I knew you'll like her!" Bethany, who was rearranging her oak bookshelf, stated happily.

"Tomorrow we're going to the statue park, Georgianna's coming too, so rise early!" Bethany added, while walking towards her 4 post bed and settling into the covers.

"The statue park? That's great! So that's what Georgianna meant about 'tomorrow'." Eliza commented, pulling the blanket up to her neck and shutting her bedside curtains.

"Georgianna goes there all the time, god knows why. Goodnight Eliza." Bethany said with a yawn, and put out the oil lamp by her bedside.


	5. Chapter 3: A walk in the Park

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 3- A walk in the park**

"Statue park, this is where all the busts of the kings, queens, people, and the royals are located. Just take a gander at the fine artwork of these statues." Georgianna showed Eliza around the statue park.

The statue park was a big and beautiful garden, with a clear roof over the top just like the crystal palace.

Millions of statues stood all over the garden, with their fine, majestic features.

"Georgianna, where is Bethany?" Eliza looked around, trying to find Bethany, who left Georgianna to guide her after they've arrived at the entrance.

"She's got some matters to attend to, she'll be joining us shortly. In the meantime, why don't we look around?" Georgianna explained.

"Alright, then." Eliza shrugged.

"The royals statues are my favourite, they are so beautiful, and carved from high quality marble. You have charmed me, Sire Mathew Baynton. Your majestic-ness hast all seeped into this massive block of marble. Don't you think so, Eliza my friend?" Georgianna said dreamily as she stared into the eyes of the statue.

"Yes he is," Eliza knew that Georgianna has always been fond of one of the royals, _Mathew Baynton_, otherwise known as 'Girl candy' with the 'Minstrel eyes'.

Eliza continued to browse around until a statue painted in gold attracted her attention.

"Prince Albert. I don't remember a prince Albert?" Eliza studied the plaque of the statue.

"Ah, the great Prince Albert, Queen Victoria beloved husband, they are such a romantic couple. He was the apple of Queen Vic's eyes. After he died, she wore nothing but black for 40 years. Depressed, she still ordered his dressing gown to be laid out as if he was still alive. Vicbert or Alboria, that's what they were called. It's such a beautiful love story." Bethany swiped away a tear welling up in the corner of her eye with her finger.

Bethany suddenly appeared beside Eliza.

"Where have you been, Bethany? You've gone missing since the moment we arrived here." Eliza asked, worried.

"I went to see my friend in the statue park management office. She works here preserving the statues in pristine condition." Bethany said.

"Lovely isn't it?" Georgianna said, suddenly appearing behind Eliza.

"You guys, can you both quit disappearing and reappearing?" Eliza stated, slightly surprised by Georgianna's sudden reappearance.

"I don't see why not." Bethany answered, smiling.

"Still, remarkable artwork, don't you agree?" Georgianna said, admiring the skill of the sculptor on the details of the Prince Albert statue.

"Why is it gold then? The statue?" Eliza is still curious of the gold toned statue.

"Prince Albert's statue shalt be covered in gold, to honour Queen Victoria's beloved one brave and bold." Bethany stated solemnly.

"Nice one, Bethany." Georgianna commented.

"No, this was written on the plaque as well. Look." Bethany pointed to the gold plaque nearby the gold statue.

"I see, he was so beloved that he was literally carved in gold." Eliza commented at the thought of the gold statue and the gold plaque.

They continued to browse the garden, and saw statues of people you can name from history, such as Boudicca, Robert II of Artois, Queen Victoria, Mary I, Phillip II of Spain, and more you can imagine.

"I helped with the Napoleon statue, you know?" Bethany said proudly, standing in front of the statue.

"Oh come on, you're pulling my leg now, are you?" Eliza said, not believing Bethany.

"No, really." Bethany insisted.

"Really?" Eliza questioned once more.

"No, I'm kidding." Bethany returned with a soft chuckle, as she ran to keep up with Georgianna, who was already a long way away from them.

"Hey, wait for me!" Eliza ran to them.


	6. Chapter 4: Brunch at Bertran de Born's

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 4- Brunch at Bertran de Born's Breakfast Bar **

After hours of browsing the garden and the statues, they trotted off to a nearby tavern, "Bertran's breakfast bar" for brunch.

As they stepped into the tavern they were greeted with the most peculiar sight indeed.

Ladies and men wearing huge feathered hats, drinking large mugs of drinks singing and dancing.

In the corners of the tavern were put kegs and barrels of drinks, labelled 'champagne', 'brandy', 'cordial' and many more.

"Speaking of partying hard, my lord, this is a ruckus!" Georgianna exclaimed.

"I concur." Bethany nodded in agreement.

"Good day to you, mi' ladies, welcome to the tavern, grab a chair and—my word! You've haven't got your cavalier hats on! Here you go! The Party King's here and cheerio!" a man dressed in a Stuart fashion popped a large feathery cavalier hat on their heads and wandered off.

"The party king? He must be an extremely carefree monarch, with all this partying and all that." Eliza commented.

"Charles the second IS a carefree king, known as 'the king who brought back partying', and he has tons of mistresses as well, not a very loyal man, huh?" Georgianna whispered.

"Well, they have their life choices, it's not our role to judge." Eliza stated, walking towards the table Bethany has sat at.

"You're quite right." Georgianna followed behind slowly.

"I fancy some Yorkshire pudding, what do you want?" Bethany pointed at the name in the menu.

"Let me see… ugh, why is regurgitated whale phlegm on the menu?" Eliza exclaimed in disgust as she read the menu.

"Apparently King Charles II likes it with his breakfast every morning."Georgianna explained.

"I think I'll have the Tudor pudding." Eliza decided.

"As for me, I'll have the fried chicken brains." Georgianna stated as she set the menu on the table.

"I'll go place the order." Bethany stood up, holding her purse in her hand.

"Oh, here's six pence for the Tudor pudding." Eliza handed Bethany some coins after hurriedly rummaging through her purse.

"Keep it, it's on me. Besides, you've got two crowns' worth of money here, way too much for an item of six pence." Bethany said as she shuffled towards the counter.

"How do you get the currency right? It's so confusing. Crowns, Pounds, Groats, Shillings, Pence! I'd prefer the simple currency of cents and pounds." Eliza groaned.

"The fact is, decimalised money did not come around until 1871, so that's pretty confusing if you have to trade before that, but you'll get used to it." Georgianna explained.

"Just wait till accounting classes next Thursday, ugh." Eliza complained.

"Thunor's day, to be exact." Bethany added, while seating herself at the table.

"You've got your class schedule! Do you have it with you?" Georgianna asked excitedly.

"Well, I happened to collect it in the mailbox this morning just before we head off, so, yeah, I've got it with me." Eliza took out a small rolled papyrus scroll from inside the petticoat she had on.

Eliza passed the scroll to Georgianna.

Georgianna unrolled the scroll and read it, while Bethany moved closer to Georgianna and read it as well.

"Poetry, Literature, Accounting, Alchemy, Grammar, Latin, Hieroglyphics, Business, calculating classes… Three of us are in the same classes at the same time! We will be together all the time in school! Huzzah!" Georgianna cheered.

"Seen that coming, Me and Georgianna have been together in every class ever since when we started school at the age of 7. It's been 9 years now." Bethany explained.

"I wonder why." Georgianna thought.

A young boy carrying three platters in his small hands in a skilful manner approached their table.

"Fried chicken brains, Tudor pudding, Yorkshire pudding." The boy announced as he placed the plates on the table.

"Thank you. Frederick." Bethany said to the boy.

"A pleasure to be of service, miss." The boy, Frederick, said and left them.

Eliza took a few knives and forks and passed it to her two companions.

"Wow, Frederick certainly has grown a few inches taller since the last time we've seen him." Georgianna said while digging into her meal.

"Yes, he certainly has." Bethany agreed, biting into a small piece of her Yorkshire pudding.

"I presume Frederick is a relative of yours?" Eliza suggested, slicing her Tudor pudding.

"No, Frederick was just a wee child of 4 years old when he was found on the streets by Bethany a few years ago, and Bethany brought him to an orphanage where he was raised and eventually adopted by the owners of this tavern, which happened to be her distant relative from her father's side." Georgianna explained.

"You know, Bethany. I'm starting to think your ties with people in this part of the worlds are more complicated than I thought." Eliza commented and looked at her meal. "What IS in this pudding?"

"Intestines of animals." Bethany answered, and proudly added "And yes, my family ties are extremely complicated here."

"Can't imagine how's Christmas dinner's going to look like." Eliza commented while still eating her pudding.

"Oh, Christmas dinner is more crowded than you think. Just wait till the season comes." Georgianna added.

The trio ate their meal, while the music of Bertran de Born, a middle ages French troubadour blared through several retro record players placed in every corner of the tavern.

"My heart fills up with happiness, every time I see corpses pierced through with shards of spears~ I tell you my greatest joy, is just to hear ze groans, of 'help me help me' from the fallen wounded~" The music came out of the large funnel shaped bronze speakers of each record players.

"Pretty sadistic lyrics if you ask me." Eliza commented.

"On the contrary, he was a French troubadour during the middle ages. These verses were written in relation to war, plus, he was a poet, a baron and a soldier, then at last he became a monk. He was a celebrated man I must say, and he's once very famous in the past when he first started, which was at about 1159 to 1195." Bethany explained.

"A baron, a soldier, a poet and a monk. A remarkable man, don't you agree?" Georgianna added.

"Yes, definitely." Eliza agreed, sipping on her cup of tea she had retrieved from the beverage table earlier.


	7. Chapter 5: Hieroglyphics with Sir Ramses

**Chapter 5- Skinnymandrian Grammar School- Hieroglyphics with Sir Ramses**

"Tiw's day! My favourite day of the week!" Bethany announced, walking alongside Eliza who walked among thousands of Skinnymandrian Grammar School students who arrived in their own individual styles of historical fashions.

"Good day, Eliza! How are you on this fine Tuesday?" Georgianna approached Eliza.

"A bit tired, it's how I normally feel on a school day. Why are you so excited on school days?" Eliza said in a flat tone.

"Relax! In Skinnymandria the only days you have to attend school are Tiw's day, Thunor's day and Frige's day, which are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Unlike 5 days of school from Moonday to Frige's day at your place, as you've told me. Bethany explained.

"Moonday to Frige's day?" Eliza asked, puzzled.

"Monday to Friday, in your lingo." Bethany added.

"I have Madame Tussaud for wax modelling and Mr Perkins for code breaking class today. It's all very interesting." Said Georgianna happily.

"Well, I have double literature and triple poetry today, and it's my favourite class taught by Mr Shakespeare." Bethany added.

"Oh no! Double literature and triple poetry? I'm doomed." Eliza sighed.

"Yes, you're in the same class as we both are. Am I right? Georgianna?" Bethany said.

"Yes. Checked my schedule, and apparently we have all our classes together!" Georgianna said happily while checking her schedule and the others' schedule, which was written in a short scroll every student has.

"So, our first lesson is…hieroglyphics." Eliza stated as she read from her scroll which  
>Georgianna had passed back to her and Bethany.<p>

"Alright then, we better head off. Mr Ramses isn't a very tolerant man when it comes to lateness." Bethany declared as the three of them ran off into the school building.

The warm Skinnymandria sun shone upon the magnificent school building, as the giant clock ticked 9 o-clock and the bell rang, indicating the start of a regular school day.

"Good-day, class." A Tudor teacher walked into the classroom packed with 40 students with a small board, a cane, a quill and ink and a dagger in his arms.

"Good-day, sir Ramses." The students stood up and greeted in unison.

"You may be seated." The teacher said as he puts his things on his desk and the students sat down on their chairs.

"Now, I believe we're up to revision of numbers yesterday, am I right?" The teacher cleaned the chalkboard and stood at the podium with his hornbook in front of him.

There was a temporary ruffle as students took out their writing tools: their quills, pens, ink, scrolls, aBooks, stone tablets, hammers and chisels, hornbooks, and chalks.

"I see you got the latest aBook." A puritan gent said as Bethany took out her notebook from her duffel bag.

"NO, It's a SCROLL. Stop pestering me, would you, Jonathan?" Bethany dismissed impatiently, while ignoring him and focusing her attention on the chalkboard.

With no avail, he turned away and stared at the ceiling with his arms put casually at the back of his head, his chair shaking to and fro on its two back legs.

"That's Jonathan Warbeck, the brute in school. He keeps pestering people sitting around him. Very unpleasant fellow, he is. He always bothers Bethany. I heard that he'd fancied Bethany and wanted to get her attention." Georgianna , who sat next to Bethany whispered to Eliza, who was sitting next to her.

"Oh?" Eliza commented, as she jotted down the symbols and pictures Mr Ramses wrote on the chalk board.

The teacher looked at the students occasionally while he explained.

"The symbols are very self-explanatory. If you see 2 hoops and 3 eyes, and the answer is definitely-"

Just then, across the classroom, the teacher's voice blared.

"Miss Georgianna in the second row, pray tell what the answer is?"

"Err, it's…23, sir!" Georgianna replied.

"Good. Bear in mind that I do not favour people talking while I am teaching." The teacher stated, and then continued drawing symbols on the board.

"Good thing I know my hieroglyphics well." Georgianna said cheekily.

"Lucky you." Eliza stated.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in." Sir Ramses said without taking his attention off the chalkboard, which he was writing and drawing symbols on.

"Tabelarii messenger sir. A message for Morgan Tumble-…Tumblebee-bottom…cheek?" The messenger, an Aztec boy announced with difficulty, his facial expression in a state of confusion.

"It's Tumblebee-Pumblechook!" A girl who wore a medieval dress exasperated, as she stood up and walked towards the messenger boy.

"People rarely get her name right, 8 out of 10 people cannot pronounce or spell her name correctly, including teachers. So they just call her Miss Morgan TP." Bethany whispered.

"Poor girl." Eliza sympathised.

"Miss Morgan, please proceed with your message." Sir Ramses hurried her.

"I'll be in the corner." Morgan walked towards the right corner in front of the classroom, followed by the messenger boy.

"The other students watched as the messenger boy communicated the message, not paying attention to any of the notes the teacher has put on the chalkboard.

"Message reads: Hi Mor, my BFF, Tlk L8r. Sincerely, Domi. Smiley face." The messenger boy talked in a machine like voice and smiled widely to mark the last part of the message.

"Reply with: Gr8. Send." Morgan stated, while strolling back to her seat.

"That's it? Alright then." The messenger boy shrugged.

"Miss, Morgan, how many times have I tell you, NO PRIVATE MESSAGES DURING CLASS!" Sir Ramses stopped writing, turned to look at Morgan and declared.

"I'm sorry sir, I WON'T do it again." Morgan replied cheekily in a tone of voice that did not seem sincere.

"She will do it again. Morgan's done it a lot of times; she's the only person who has the nerves to annoy Sir Ramses like that. She gets reprimanded all the time, yet she never learns. I wonder what's wrong with her." Bethany whispered softly to Eliza.

"I've seen plenty." Eliza shrugged, as she thought about a lot of the students in her class back in her school in Essex.

"Sir, there's also an announcement from the school office." The messenger boy said, looking at a knotted rope in his palms.

"Go ahead." Sir Ramses ordered.

"Message reads: All students are to be informed that a gathering is to be held in the Great Alexander Hall, North to Spartan Sports Ground and East to Queen Victoria field. The hour for the gathering is 12 noon London time, 8o'clock Swinburne time, half past 9 in the morning South Hampton time. The coordinates for the location are 45' 67-" The messenger announced in a fluent manner but was interrupted by Sir Ramses.

"Thank you, you may leave now." He dismissed the messenger boy impatiently.

"And uh, Sir Ramses, there's an emergency meeting for the teachers in the conference office now. It's, uh, very urgent and must be attended to immediately." The messenger boy added.

The students' chattering were abruptly silenced as Sir Ramses' face showed an annoyed look.

"He's going to blow!" Some students whispered amongst themselves.

Sir Ramses then turned to face the students after he had finished erasing the chalkboard.

"Fourth time this week my class had been interrupted because of an emergency meeting. Ladies and gents, for the remaining 30 minutes of this lesson I want some assignments to be complete. Exercise 5 to 8 on Hieroglyphics scroll 3. I want it handed in to me next lesson. And you may only be dismissed AFTER the bell goes, understood?" Mr Ramses sighed, and then declared to the whole class of 40 students.

"Come on, lad." Mr Ramses packed up his belongings, carried it under his arm and walked out of the room, with the messenger boy following behind him.

AS soon as the classroom door was closed after Sir Ramses and the messenger left the room, most of the students in the room started talking to each other, while some did their work silently.

"So to cut a long instruction short, we have to go to Great Alexander hall at 12 noon." Eliza confirmed with Bethany, while typing away on her typewriter.

"Yes, the message could be simpler if it weren't for the fact that the head of the school office was a former high ranking officer in the war cabinet. He always includes coordinates in his announcements to confuse us." Bethany explained.

"Well, the messenger boy's memory is impressive as well." Eliza suggested.

"He's from the knot tying messenger course. You've got to be Albert Einstein to enrol in that. Knot tying takes years to master, and not much messengers who graduated get an occupation because most of the employed messengers are absolute professionals in this skill. The art of knot tying messages are extremely complex, not much people who do not own this skill can correctly decipher the meaning of knots, which makes it a secret among us knot-tiers." Bethany explained.

"That's quite impressive for a stone age invention. Wait, by 'us' you mean?" Eliza asked, surprised by the remark.

"I was once one of them who understood the meanings of knots. I took that course for 6 month when I was 14 years old in this school. It got all tangled up by the end of the period, so I dropped the course. But it was fun." Bethany said as she took out her blunt dagger from her wooden casket of writing tools which was stored under her desk.

She sharpened the tip of the feather quill and dipped it into the ink pot put in front of her, allowing for the ink to fill the tip of the quill.

She commenced to take out the quill tip from the small ink pot and scrawled symbols and letters onto the blank papyrus sheets of her Roman aBook.

"Knot tying should be more interesting than other courses. You've got ropes instead of boring books." Eliza commented.

"You're quite right." Georgianna agreed, while producing a fan from inside her wide, lace trimmed sleeves.

Georgianna fluttered her fan in certain patterns and positions towards a girl who sat in the middle of the second row on the right side of the classroom.

The movements of the fan fluttering seemed natural to Bethany and Eliza's eyes.

The girl then proceeded to produce a fan from inside her purse, and then returned fan fluttering gestures to Georgianna.

"She's Briony Thornehawke, Georgianna's other best friend. Georgianna was just signalling to her that if she wanted to join us for lunch at our table, then Briony replied with an 'ok'." Bethany explained.

Eliza had noticed that Briony had often worn Tudor gowns, and her house is conveniently located near Georgianna's. They were often seen having tea at Bertran's Breakfast Bar together when Bethany and Eliza stroll in the town square every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, after school hours have ended for the day.

"I never expected for you to know fan language, Bethany. You, my friend, are quite unpredictable." Eliza praised.

"What can I say? I'm a sophisticated young lady, educated, prim and proper. I do have a trick up my sleeve, you know?" Bethany took out a fan from her petticoat pocket and fluttered it.

"Not bad," Eliza commented, with a grin.

"I suppose you would want one for yourself? It's all the rage among ladies these days." Bethany said, as she took out a newspaper from her duffel bag which sat on her lap.

"Do you always carry a newspaper about?" Eliza asked, curious, as Bethany laid the newspaper open on Eliza's desk.

"I don't see why not? Since Gutenberg's printing press came along, books and newspaper were distributed widely in the society; wisdom was spread amongst the people. It keeps me updated with the latest happenings and events in the area. Plus, it helps as a good disguise tool." Bethany explained.

"Why would you need a newspaper as a disguise? As far as I know this trick was only used by slaves escaping from the slave masters under the pretence that they were educated and were free people. And the system of slave labour had been abolished a long time ago. I suppose there's no need for that? I mean, you don't even look like a slave." Eliza explained.

"Well, just in case IF someone mistakes me for one, I'll have this handy and they will know I am NOT a slave." Bethany added. "And by the way, nice to see you brush up on your history, you're improving now."

"Thank you. Just out of curiosity, why are you showing me this?" Eliza asked, as Bethany had opened the newspaper to the advertisement section.

Bethany pointed to an advertisement that promoted Georgian fans.

It wrote:

…

FEEL FREE TO COMMUNICATE FEE FREE!

GET A GEORGIAN FAN!

Didst thou want a free communication service? then buy a Georgian fan (for ladies only!). It's completely free of charge and there are NO bills to pay! You can send unlimited messages with ultimate privacy and secrecy!

What are you waiting for? Buy a Georgian fan now!

Fans of different styles and designs are now available at all leading accessories shop.

*messaging method not included in package, messaging technique courses available.

*Use product with care, wrong messages can mean a wrong meaning.

…..

"That's interesting, I can see why it's so popular. It might be a big hit among my friends back in Essex if it was available there. " Eliza commented, while closed and folded the newspaper in half.

"If you decide to get one, I'll help you choose one package that is suitable for you. Plus, I can provide you free quotes on how to use the communication service. Don't delay, get one today!" Georgianna suddenly offered in a saleswoman-like manner and winked.

"Hey, I am her agent." Bethany took the folded newspaper Eliza had handed to her and kept it in her duffel bag, while glaring at Georgianna.

"I'm assuming both of you took trading lessons. If so; I, as the consumer, have the right to choose whose services I require." Eliza added while looking at both of them.

The three girls looked at each other silently for a few seconds, and then they suddenly burst out laughing at the same time, which attracted the attention from those who sat near them.

"Oh, Georgie, quit it with your Shouty man salesperson-like attitude, that's not even accurate!" said Bethany, while trying to stop herself from laughing.

"As I said, I am still working on my Shouty man impersonation." Georgianna justified.

"Shouty man?" the name was repeated in Eliza's head. The name seemed familiar…

The time-telling candle- which was a candle divided into several portions and short lines marking the minute- had melted into a puddle of wax in the bronze candle holder set on the teacher's podium, marking the end of a 50 minute lesson.

"Lesson's over! It's tea time! " A student declared.

The students packed up their writing tools and books, stood up and shuffled out of the classroom like a swarm of fish.

"Come on, hurry up!" Georgianna hurried Bethany and Eliza. She had packed up a few minutes earlier and had been waiting to get out of the classroom.

"Is it about the crumpets again? They're not going to grow wings and fly away!" Bethany teased.

"No, but someone's out to get them! If I don't get to them, someone else might! Now let's go!" Georgianna paced up and down impatiently.

"She loves the crumpets." Bethany whispered to Eliza, who has finished packing her things and is prepared to head off, along with Bethany, Briony, and Georgianna.

"Here I come, crumpets!" Georgianna declared, racing towards the door.

"Miss Hardwicke, no shouting and running in the hallways please." A female Aztec teacher stopped Georgianna as she was about to dash towards the dining hall.

"Sorry, miss. I'll walk." Georgianna apologised, and the teacher went away.

"Come on, don't dilly dally!" Georgiannna gestured for her friends to follow her.

"Coming," The group walked quickly to keep up with Georgianna, who had already been approaching the corridor that led towards the dining hall.


	8. Chapter 6: Georges

**Horrible Histories-Skinnymandria:**

**Chapter 6- Georges **

Skinnymandria grammar school

Teatime, in the dining hall:

"I have to say, George IV, those pies look incredibly scrumptious! Can I have one?" George II asked George IV who was sitting next to him.

"Never, I'm feeling incredibly peckish now, you see. If you want something to eat, go get yourself something to eat, like a, um, let's see…A sandwich." George IV reluctantly replied as he was scoffing on his pies.

"Fair enough..." George II went to the stalls for a sandwich.

"What have you got there? Was it the usual, banana and cupcake? " George IV said to George III, who was carrying his tray of food to the table.

"Nay, I'm having a different one today. I'm having a cupcake, sausage and banana!" The eccentric George III said.

"Well, that explains old George III, eh? George I?" George II said as he returned with a plate of turkey twizzles.

"Y, Yes..?" George I was not fluent with his English.

"I doubt that the sad one there really understood you, George II…Anyway, what happened yesterday? You didn't come to class, did you?" George IV asked George II.

"Yeah, I've got dear Caroline of Ansbach to replace me in class. Why should I have to turn up in class when I can go somewhere else?" George II answered.

"Anyway, George II, are you sure you are going to eat that? I've heard turkey twizzles made people sick…" George IV asked George II with concern.

"Don't want to starve, would I? I got the turkey twizzles because they've ran out of sandwiches, the remaining 3 sandwiches have been bought by Earl of Sandwich and Baron Hotdog over there." The Georges looked over to John Montague, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, who is waving at them.

"Are you sure this is edible?" George IV asked again.

"No problem?" George I suggested.

"If you say so, _Bon appetite…_" George II ate his turkey twizzles.

Ten minutes later, George II was in the toilet doing his "business"…

"No problem?" George I asked.

"Hey, George II, how's your 'no.2's coming on? Huh?" George IV teased.

"Oh George IV, why do you have to torture me with puns at this moment?!" George II exclaimed from inside his toilet stall.

"Cheer up, George II, at least you can go on a long sick leave just like Lord Turkey of Twizzles!" George IV said.

"I'm a cupcake!" the mad George III declared.

"I should have had the cupcake… I do hope I don't die in the toilet like Henry I did in 1135. Ouch…" George II groaned.

"You hadn't had any laxatives, but you will die on the loo by gorging on too much fruits, according to your history." George IV noted, while George I and III laughed.

"Yeah, and you, will die after only 10 years of being king!" George II shouted back.

"Bit harsh." George IV was stunned, speechless.

"Now, that's more like it. Now you three Georges quit hanging around in the toilet waiting for me, just run along while I finish my 'no.2' alone." George II ordered.

"Alright then," George I, III and IV headed out the toilet, while George IV added "Don't stay around for TOO long, though. Get it, you're George II, TOO long, get it?"

"OUT!" George II shouted.


	9. Chapter 7: Crassus in da house!(pt 1)

**Horrible Histories- Skinnymandria**

**Chapter 7- Crassus in da house! (Part 1)**

"Eliza, put on your best clothes, we're going to a gathering!" Bethany declared.

Eliza sat up lazily, her back leaning on the oak headboard of her bed. "I thought we're going to a picture screening later?"

"Well, change of plans. Georgianna has invited us to a birthday gathering later at the 'Knight Club'." Bethany excitedly said as she rummaged through her cupboard for an outfit.

She took out a white greek gown and a purple roman gown.

"Which one looks best? This?" Bethany put the white greek gown in front of her body, and asked: "or this?", while proceeding to do the same with the purple roman gown.

"Well, the purple one looks divine." Eliza got off her bed, holding a thick book in her hands.

"Whose birthday gathering is it anyway?" she asked, curious.

"It's Briony Thornehawke's 17th birthday. You know, Georgianna's other best friend." Bethany looked in her mahogany jewellery box, taking out jewellery from inside the box and looking at herself in the dressing table mirror as she tried on necklaces, hairpieces and bracelets.

"Do we have to go? I've almost finished this book for Sir Charles Darwin's nature biology class." Eliza groaned while walking towards the oak bookshelf in the room.

"Yes, the whole class is going to be there. What book is it? It seemed like finishing that book is an extremely important matter." Bethany asked as she clasped a gold bracelet around her right wrist.

"The history of fishes." Eliza replied, placing the book on the bookshelf rack.

"Really? It's all in Latin, and I doubt that extensive knowledge on fishes will do much good. 'The theory of natural selection' would be more ideal. I mean, it was written by Sir Charles Darwin himself." Bethany commented, while headed into the bathroom with her gown draped on her arm.

"I'm going to change and do my hair. Eliza, I bought you a roman gown from the gown shoppe in city square just now." Bethany said, pointing to a gown which was laid on the back of her dressing table chair.

"Wow, thank you. This looks nice. I do hope it's not expensive. And for your information, I've mastered the language of Latin ever since I was a little girl of 12 years." Eliza picked up the silk beige roman gown from the chair and examined the material, feeling the cloth with her fingertips.

"You've got some skills up your sleeves after all! Latin isn't a simple language to master. Don't worry about the gown! It's got its price extremely reduced, don't' worry about it!" Bethany reassured.

"Really?" Eliza asked, doubtful.

"It only costed 40 denariis, it was 150 denariis before it had the priced reduced." Bethany explained further and suggested. "Well? Try it on."

"Uh, I can't change with you watching." Eliza looked at Bethany awkwardly, clutching the gown in her hands.

"Oh. Yes, my apologies. I'll change in the bathroom, you change right where you are. Lock the door." Bethany reminded, then slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

"Righty-o!" Eliza saluted.

"So, how do I look?" Bethany emerged from the bathroom, with her purple roman gown on and her hair done in a roman styled high ponytail, decorated with a golden hairpiece.

"You look beautiful! I have to say, purple really suits you!" Eliza praised.

"You don't look bad yourself. Here, let me help you with your fringe." Bethany walked towards Eliza, who had already put on the beige silk roman gown.

Eliza's hair was done in a roman style bun and several strands of hair hung from the sides of her face.

With several strokes of the comb, Eliza's fringe was arranged in an elegant manner fitting her hairstyle.

After 10 minutes, a chariot pulled up in front of the cottage. Bethany and Eliza had already been fully prepared to head out, waiting in front of the gate.

"Where's the carriage? Let me guess, being repaired again?" Bethany asked as she boarded the chariot with the driver's assistance.

"Yes, it's wooden wheels had broken down a few times this month. Now it's bein' replaced. I was going to choose between this chariot or a velocipede. Then I remembered, a velocipede ain't got brakes, too risky to drive in busy town traffic." The driver explained as he helped Eliza into the chariot.

"Thank you sir, you are most kind." Eliza greeted.

"Anythin' for a dainty lady. Now hold on tight, 'cause Dobbinus ain't gonna slow down!" The driver whipped the horse, and the horse galloped away on his hooves at the speed of light.

"This is the life!" Bethany exclaimed excitedly, feeling the wind brushing past her as the chariot raced on the dirt path.

"Excitin', eh? Life is much better if you're a chariot racer! Although you could lose your life if you fall off and get run over by other competitors, and you've got to have your horse sacrificed to the gods if you win. But overall: good life, good life." The driver added.

"Whew, that's was a thrilling ride, was it?" said Bethany.

"Thanks to that, my hair is completely ruined." Eliza added, tidying her hair as she and Bethany lined up in a queue, which seemed to be heading into 'Knight Club'.

"Seemed like a lot of people were invited." Bethany commented at the snail-like-speed of the line advancement.

"You brought a gift?" Eliza asked, while noticing almost everyone in the line in in front or behind them held something in their hand, whether they be boxes or packages in brown paper tied up with string.

"Yes. It's in my purse. She's going to love the Aztec earrings I'm giving her, she head over heels crazy about Aztec fashion." Bethany replied enthusiastically.

They've finally reached the entry after waiting for a while in a 2 mile long queue.

"Briony! Happy birthday!" Bethany greeted the moment she saw the birthday girl- Briony Thornehawke.

"Thank you! So glad you can come! Georgianna's already inside." Briony greeted Bethany and Eliza with a hug.

Briony wore a Greek gown with fancy patterns. The hems were embroidered with gold and silver thread.

She was standing at the entry, with a strong, muscular Egyptian man next to her, his arms crossed and he stood in a soldier like posture.

"He must be the bouncer." Eliza thought, struggling to see the Egyptian man's face due to his exceedingly tall physique.

"Clear. They're on the list. " Briony declared, ticking off names on a papyrus aBook and looking at the bouncer.

"Spot check. Hand over your bag." The bouncer demanded, extending an open palm to Bethany and Eliza, who handed their purses over.

"No weapons, no explosives, no sausages, no poison. You may pass." The bouncer stated while searching in their purses and then handed it back to them after no suspicious items were found.

"Sausages?" Eliza questioned as they stepped into the place.

Music blared from every corner of the room with high ceilings and stone walls.

"Believed to be barbarian food and will cause people to become barbarians, according to a Roman emperor. A drink?" Bethany headed towards the beverage table with Eliza, grabbed two of what seemed like tea in fine porcelain cups and offered one to Eliza.

"Thanks." Eliza took the cup and took a sip of the beverage.

"Nice tea. No ale?" Eliza asked, curious.

"No, we're still underage for ale. We could have root beer though." Bethany shrugged, while looking out for Georgianna, who might be in the crowd.

"Nah, I don't like root beer." Eliza returned.

"In retrospect, I think this place had to be more medieval, not roman-esque." Bethany stated, while taking in the surroundings of the place.

With its large pillars, several sculptures of roman emperors located in the area, plus some fine looking jugs and roman-esque details carved into every structure of the place, the place looked grand indeed.

"Hey, fellas. Glad you could make it." Georgianna greeted, walking towards them.

"Good evening to you, Georgie. I assume you're the one who helped planned the event?" Bethany questioned, handing Georgianna a cup of tea.

"Yes, your sharp mind never fails to impress me. What do you think? Great location, huh?" Georgianna finished the beverage in one go, and questioned the pair on their opinion.

"I think it's a great place to have a party. I mean, if going to a 'Knight Club' doesn't indicate growing up, what is?" Eliza agreed.

"Depends on which type of 'Knight Club' you're referring to. If you're talking about the club where you have to joust and wear heavy chain mail, I'd rather not celebrate." Georgianna justified.

"Ooh, here comes the birthday girl~" Bethany said, while searching in her purse for the present she was going to give Briony, as Briony slowly headed towards their direction.

"Briony, here's your present. You'll like it!" Bethany handed Briony a small purple box.

"Oh, and here's one from me. Happy Birthday Briony." Eliza gave her a large square flat shaped item wrapped in red paper and tied with a gold ribbon.

"You shouldn't have! Thank you so much! Can I open it?" Briony asked, excited.

"Go ahead, it's yours after all!" Bethany blissfully agreed.

Briony opened the two presents: a pair of bright blue Aztec earrings with jewels encrusted on it given by Bethany; and a signed record of the Viking band's single-'Literally'.

"I love it! How do you know what to get me?" Briony smiled, clutching the gifts in her arms.

"We do know someone who knew you pretty well." Bethany said, nudging Georgianna in the arm.

"Georgianna? Of course. The earrings are definitely going to be matched with my finest gowns. And the record, Eliza, how did you know I wanted this?" Briony asked excitedly and happily.

"Well, Georgianna once told me that you've been a fan of the Viking band and has been unable to get hold of the record plate because it had been sold out. I happened to come across this and met the members of the royals who performed in the Viking band by chance. So I asked for their signature." Eliza explained.

Eliza recalled about the day when she got the record plate and met the royals.

She was shopping for a gift for Briony in town square, and after attempts of finding suitable gowns, jewellery and books failed, she decided to head to the music store to look for music the birthday girl might like.

She remembered what Georgianna told her about Briony's taste in music, and after failing to come across the one she required in the music shop, she gave the Monk Trade a try, to see if it sells second hand items.

To her astonishment, they do sell second hand record plates, and she was lucky enough to bump into the royals, who were looking for books in the Monk Trade.

She got their signatures on the record plate.

It also made Eliza realise the charm of the royal members, such as Ben Willbond, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard, Simon Farnaby and Martha Howe Douglas.

Not to mention Mathew Baynton, whom Georgianna had always had an interest in.

Their charm in their personalities made them seem pleasant to get along with.

"I love it! Much better gifts than what my Saxon uncle would give our family during every occasion." Briony stated.

"How so? Is he a terrible gift giver?" Eliza questioned, curious.

"Terrible. He gave us buckets of poo for every occasion. Last Christmas, he gave us a bucket of manure, asking us to spread it over our crops to use as fertiliser. The problem is, we only have a garden with roses and lilies, not a field with crops like wheat or apple trees, what use is it? Last thanksgiving, he gave us a bucket of horse poo, telling us to mix it with some clay and mould some new dinner plates out of it. We use porcelain and ceramic dinner plates, not ones made out of horse poo and clay." Briony recalled.

"Oh my!" Georgiannna, Bethany and Eliza gasped simultaneously.

"And there's more!" Briony reminded.

"There's more?" Bethany questioned.

"Yes. The Christmas two years before he gave us a bucketful of pig poo, asking us to replaster the walls of our house with it. We live in a brick house with bricks and cement, not a stick house with poo plastered within it. The Thanksgiving two years before he gave us chicken poo, said it's good for making leather clothes by dipping cow skins in it. It's all good and all that, but the only problem is we are not leather tanners. We buy our leather made items; we have no knowledge of leather tanning. All the poo he gave us, we had to secretly re-gift it to the farmers, potters, builders and leather tanners to not waste good animal poo." Briony finished.

"I dread to think of what your family or you would receive next. I assume Your Saxon uncle owns a field, lives in a stick and poo house, probably a one room house with an open fire and lives with his farm animals in the one room with a goat named Bessie, not married and only takes a few baths a year?" Georgianna deducted.

"Yes, how do you know?" Briony asked, surprised.

"My friend, Karen, who works at a historical dating agency told me. He'd practically had brought so much lice with him that it took days to clean their office to make sure that there are no lice riddling about. He tried to get a date through Historical Dates, but failed. Seen that coming, huh?" Gerogianna explained.

"Yes, we'd always have to force him to take regular baths when he's staying with us. That's the condition we've established to ensure our home is lice and disease free." Briony sighed.

"It seems like even Queen Elizabeth I who took 4 baths a year seemed cleaner than him. The queen cleaned herself daily with a cloth and changed her clothes often although only having 4 baths a year for medical purposes. Hygienic, if you ask me." Eliza added.

"That's absolutely true." Bethany agreed.

"Miss Thornehawke, a present from your uncle." Briony's family butler approached Briony with a brown bottle closed at the mouth with a cork and a wooden clothes peg placed on a silver tray lined with a red square velvet cloth.

"Must be poo related." Georgianna suggested. Bethany, Eliza and including Briony nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, Mr Butler." said Briony as she clipped on the clothes peg on her nose and unplugged the cork from the bottle's mouth.

A foul stench came out from the bottle.

"I think he's trying to make perfume this time, miss." The butler suggested, pinching his nose to not smell the foul stench.

Bethany, Eliza, and Georgianna covered their noses as well.

Briony lifted the peg from her nose and smelt the stench of fermented poo in the bottle, then she quickly plugged the cork into the mouth of the bottle and placed the bottle and the clothes peg on the silver tray.

"This cannot be re-gifted. Please dispose of it, Mr Butler." Briony ordered in a polite manner.

"Yes, miss. Right away." The butler respectfully bowed before leaving Briony.

"Do write him a letter, saying that I love the gift, even though I don't quite like it. You know, not to hurt his feelings." Briony added hastily.

"As usual, Miss, you're as kind as Sir and Madam Thornehawke are. I shall pen the letter…forthwith." The butler replied and headed away into the crowd.

"Well, terrible gifts must not harm important family relations. It's better to keep family members closer!" Briony said with a wink.

"You know what, Briony? I'm starting to see why so many people came to your party. You're kind-hearted, thoughtful, and charming for a young lady growing up in Skinnymandria." Eliza commented.

"That's just how I am, really. It's nothing much." Briony replied humbly, while walking into the crowd with Bethany, Georgianna and Eliza.


	10. Chapter 7: Crassus in da house!(pt 2)

**Chapter 7 Crassus in Da house! (Part 2)**

"Hey, hey, hey, good people of Skinnymandria! Time to kick this gathering up a notch, WHAT SAY YE?" the host, dressed in Spartan's soldier uniform declared enthusiastically.

"AYE!" the crowd cheered and greeted excitedly in unison, followed with loud whistles and hollers.

"Alright! Welcoming our special guest, the minted, rich Roman senate who ruled with Pompey and Caesar-Marcus Licinius Crassus!" The host announced in a loud booming voice, while signalling to the back of the crowd with his extended left arm and open left palm.

A Roman man dressed in rich robes with a gold laurel wreath walked into the dimly lit room with accompaniment of a large, bright spotlight, behind him followed by numerous roman soldiers.

The crowd cheered as they parted a path for the man to walk through.

Crassus greeted the cheering crowd with a smile on his face and his waving hand.

"Good to see you, brother! "The host greeted Crassus with a friendly pat on the back as he stood on the stage.

"You too, good sir!" Crassus greeted with a fist bump.

"Take it away! Crassus!" The host handed Crassus the microphone and left the stage, disappearing into the cheering crowd.

"A fist bump? Is this gesture even used in the past?" Eliza questioned.

"Hey, we do catch up with modern gestures; we're not all that a conservative society, you know?" Bethany explained.

"Wow, a mix of modern and historical cultures, a place like no other, Skinnymandria is." Eliza thought.

"Thank you, wonderful residents of Rome! For the birthday girl, who's none other than my niece, Briony Thornehawke, a new song of mine! A belated Birthday to you, dear girl! Cue music!"

Colourful spotlights danced around the room as the upbeat music played.

The tune sent the crowd into a dance frenzy, even Bethany who was not one to be easily excited joined in the fun.

The crowd cheered while Crassus sang.

"There's Romans think they're minted, but they ain't they ain't rich like me! You can't call yourself loaded till you can buy an army! Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar, they're more famous then me! But I'm the world's richest geezer, there's no one richer than me!"

A Roman soldier was DJ-ing, with a coconut half as his headphone while he grooved along to the tune.

The crowd went bonkers, grooving and moving to the beat like there's no tomorrow.

"This was as crazy as the Dance Fever Festival! Wooh!" Georgianna exclaimed.

"Dance Fever Festival? Never heard of it."

"Oh, Eliza, It's the Dancing Plague of Strasbourgh during 1518. A dance festival was held in honour of it." Bethany proceed to explain.

"Ah. That? Didn't people die from exhaustion and strokes after being unable to stop dancing continuously for days?" Eliza did not expect that an event with such a tragic outcome would be honoured.

"I don't know why either. But seeing that it brings colour into our Skinnymandrian culture, I'd say why not?" Bethany added, moving to the music.

"It's probably worth reminding that the Dance Fever Festivals we held recently had only short periods of dancing, to not to let people dance to death. After all, a festival is supposed to be a pleasant event, isn't it?" Georgianna mentioned.

"I suppose so. So it's over for this year, I presume?" Eliza was curious at the turnout and the atmosphere of the festival.

"I'm afraid so. It was held 2 months before you came here. Wow, I'm parched." Bethany stopped dancing, catching her breath.

"Let's get another drink." Eliza suggested, which Georgianna and Bethany agreed to as they followed Eliza to the beverage table.

Crassus ended his song, and the Roman soldier continued DJ-ing with other songs of the Skinnymandrian community, such as William Wallace's 'Scottish Rebel' and 'The new world' of the Pilgrim Fathers.

"Alright people, we have another special guest. This one's for you, Miss Thornehawke! The Viking Rockband!"

A group of Vikings carrying axe guitars stepped upon the stage, waving to the crowd as the people cheered and squealed.

"Look Briony, your dream has come true!"Georgianna directed Briony's attention to the viking rockband who were on stage.

"Let's go near the stage to check them out! I'm so excited!" Briony squealed as they started to play their song, 'Literally'.

"We're gonna paint the whole town red!" The band vocalist sang.

"LITERALLY!" The crowd sang in unison.

"With the blood of the dead!"

"LITERALLY!" Even Georgianna joined in the singing.

The song brought the party to a higher, more insane level.

Briony and Georgianna were standing in the middle of the crowd, wanting to catch a glimpse of the royal they both adored and fancied so much-Sire Mathew Baynton.

"He looks so gorgeous!" Georgianna squealed.

"SIRE-MAT BAYNTON! I ADORE YOU! " Briony exclaimed.

The crowd went wild over the the band's performance.

Even Bethany and Georgianna, who were chatting by the beverage table were attracted by the performance, as the watched the band play without altering their attention to anything.

They were so engrossed in the performance that they did not notice a wooden club flying towards Eliza's direction.

The club suddenly hit the back of Eliza's head.

Moving her hand towards the spot that had been hit, she felt an excruciating pain.

"What the...what happened-" Eliza muttered to herself.

Before she could even realise it, her sight had become blurry.

Seeing pitch black before her vision, she had already lost her conciousness, sending her collapsing into Bethany's arms.

"Eliza? Are you alright?" Bethany shook her by her shoulders, but was greeted with no response.

"Eliza? Eliza? H-hey, quit joking around...Y-you're really freaking me out here..." Bethany started to worry, as Eliza was not one to play such a cruel joke.

"Speak to me! Eliza!" Bethany panicked, letting Eliza lie flat on the floor and resting her head on her lap.

The people nearby them started to notice and had started to gather around them.

Eliza gave no reponse to whatever Bethany did, whether she called her name or shook her body.

Georgianna and Briony realised something was wrong when a few egyptian guards marched in equipped with maces.

By then a large crowd had circled Bethany and Eliza.

"This looks bad, someone call the paramedics!" someone from the crowd exclaimed as the the others looked at Eliza and Bethany with a worried look on their faces.

Some even offered to do CPR and first aid, but were stopped by Bethany, who felt that it should be handled by a professional personnel in Eliza's case.

Noticing the crowd, Georgianna and Briony went to see what had happened.

As Georgianna dashed past the wooden club lying on the floor, she instinctively sensed something bad has happened.

Making their way to the centre of the crowd, they found Bethany shaking an unconcious Eliza and calling her name, looking extremely worried.

Tears were welling up in Bethany's eyes.

"Georgie, something's wrong with Eliza! Call an ambulance!" Bethany exclaimed, fighting back the urge of breaking down.

Georgianna and Briony stood there, stunned by what they had seen.

Bethany had never been so emotional.

She was always the composed one amongst them, and had always handled her problems and emotions better than anyone else they knew.

But not now.

Not with what they are witnessing right now.

The historical paramedics arrived and carried Eliza away into the ambulance.

The ambulance drove away to the Historical Hospital, leaving the scene in a shroud of uneasiness.

Neither Georgianna or Briony knew what actually happened to Eliza.

They stood there feeling worried, helpless, and desperate.

"Stay with me, Eliza...Please stay with me..." Bethany silently prayed, tightly clutching Eliza's limp hands.


End file.
